Young Writers Society

This is very addicting I must say! As a Twilight lover the whole vampire thing has me hooked! Keep writing!! Here are just a few things I noticed!

“1315 Brick Street. London, England,” I said aloud as I read. “The council? What do they want?” He shrugged.

“Read the letter and let’s find out,” he suggested as he looked at me, curiously. My mouth turned )formed) into a frown and my nose crinkled.

“What is it?” he asked as he looked at my face. I got up and handed him the letter. I perched myself on one of the corners (corners of what?) and watched him. His facial expression shocked me. He threw down the letter in disgust.

“They are the ruling body of our people, Landon. You would know. You are in the council,” I said as my fingers skimmed the spine of a book.
(when did you move, and what books?)


“No. You may go. I believe your brother and sister are home, other than Adelicia (awkwardly placed),” he stated as he went back to his desk and sat down. I grabbed my glass, and then I opened the door and closed it behind me. I walked down the hallway and stairs. I was about to turn the corner to go into the kitchen, when Adelicia popped up behind it, scaring another half out of me.
(watch the overabundance of prepositional phrases!)

“Yeah, you did,” I said as I walked past her, right into the kissing fest that Avery and Claiborne were ingested in. (engaged in?)

“Ew,” Adelicia whispered behind me. What are you saying ‘ew’ about? You do it too with Ashton, I send (senT)into her mind.

True, I sent. I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Um…guys?” I asked. They finally broke apart and looked at me. Avery was a dark-headed male with chiseled features, while Claiborne appear (ed) delicate with her soft features.

“There you are,” Claiborne snapped, “ I have been calling your cell phone for (the) past five minutes.” (should really make this a longer span of time-seems like you were gone for 10 minutes)


I turned my attention back to the sink and finished. I turned to Adelicia, who had stuck around to my surprise. (I found this confusing-we assume she was still there considering you didn't note her departure)“Do you know when Odette will be home?” I asked.

“No, I don’t,” she answered. I sighed. “What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” she asked. (consider putting in another line-this was slightly confusing to me)


“Thanks,” I said as I walked out of the kitchen. I slowly walked up the stairs, when I heard the others talking about me, I stopped to listen.


Try not to think of him my mind told me; after all, he’s only (a) pathetic human.[/quote]

Chapter three


I walked into the study and shut the door behind me.Okay; to be honest I don't think you need that line at all. It is pretty redundant. Think how much better it'd read if you just had:

There; behind the desk, was Landon.

The above line is a far better opener. It drags us in and makes us more interested. I'd just start with it. Think of it this way, why should I care about someone walking into the study and shutting the door behind them? There, behind the desk, was Landon. He was the oldest in thisI'd have the instead of this, much more readable. family, the one who gave thisThe family life. He was very handsome for his age and I could see why Odette loved him verySo would work better here. Very in this content is not gramatically correct. much. As I walked closer to the desk, I noticed the weary lines in his oval face. Hmm, oval isn't right. We want more description here. Give us a good description, we don't really care too much about its shape unless it is different from normal face shapes. Most people have oval faces, so unless his is differentely shaped to the rest of us then I wouldn't bother describing the shape of his face. Try an adjective instead.

He has had a bad day, I thought, stating to myself only what Adelicia said moments ago.This sentence doesn't work well at all. Let's fix it.

He has had a bad day I thought, stating to myself only what Adelicia said moments ago. Right; first let's try and find out what you're trying to say. You're trying to cram a lot into the one sentence.

He has had a bad day Okay, I get that part. I thought, Still understanding stating to myself This is when it starts to go weird, if you're thinking something, then you're not stating it. You contradict yourself. Collin's dictionary defines stating as:

[7] express something in words: to express something in spoken or written words, especially to announce something publicly in a deliberate formal way.

So that's not right. The next part:

only what Adelicia had said moments ago. I think I understand this part
Basically you're trying to say:

that you think he's had a bad day, that you're thinking to yourself a thought that Adelicia had said a few moments ago.

But you need to reword it, we don't need the part about Adelicia saying it moments earlier, it's unnescessary:

We could just have:

He'd had a bad day.

If you chose to have that, I think it'd work well in a line of its own, so as to add effect:

He'd had a bad day
I set the glass down on a table...

I set the glass down on a table then sat inYou don't sit in a chair, you sit on it the chair beside it. He looked up from his work.


“Adelicia said that you want to see me about something,” I said. He put his pen back and looked through what appeared to be letters. Today’sYour tense switched here. You can't have today's if it isn't actually today (in this context) Just have that day's mail. mail, perhaps.


“Here,” he said as he held out an envelope to me. I got up and took it from him. The seal was still intact. I raised an eyebrow at him.


“You know I don’t go through mail unless it’s address to me. That-” he nodded to the letter in my hand, “ is addressed to you.”


“To me, but why?” I asked as I took my seat again.


“Look at the address and you'll probably know why,” he said as he laced his fingers together and leaned back in his chair. I turned the envelope over and looked at the address.


“1315 Brick Street. London, England,” I said aloud as I read. “The council? What do they want?” he shrugged.


“Read the letter and let’s find out,” he suggested as he looked at me, curiosity. His black eyes sent a shiver down my spine. I opened the letter and read it. My mouth turned down into a frown and my nose crinkled.


“What is it?” he asked as he looked at my face. I got up and handed him the letter. I perched myself on one of the corners and watched him. His facial expression shocked me. He threw down the letter in disgust.


“Who the hell do they think they are?” he muttered. I sighed and got up. I began to walk around, looking anywhere but at him.


“They are the ruling body of our people, Landon. You would know. You are in the council,” I said as my fingers skimmed the spine of a book.


“Yes, but I’m not asking you to accept a mate that they’re sending over here,” he said.


“And I am not going to accept him,” I said as I turned and looked at him, “the council can’t and will not rule my life.” He stood up and walked to me. He petted my hair and gave me a fatherly kiss on the forehead.


“I hope you know what you are getting into,” he whispered.


“ I do,” I said. He just nodded at me. “Is there anything else?”


“No. You may go. I believe your brother and sister are home, other than Adelicia,” he stated as he went back to his desk and sat down. I grabbed my glass, and then I opened the door and closed it behind me. I walked down the hallway and stairs. I was about to turn the corner to go into the kitchen, when Adelicia popped up behind it, scaring another half out of me.


“Damn it Adelicia!” I exclaimed, clutching my chest. She giggled.


“ I scared you, didn’t I?” she asked as she continued giggling. Okay; I really do have to praise you for this line. This is exactly how you achieve good character development. This is exactly, exactly how. Well done


“Yeah, you did,” I said as I walked past her, right into the kissing fest that Avery and Claiborne were ingested in.


“Ew,” Adelicia whispered behind me. What are you saying ‘ew’ about? You do it too with Ashton, I sendSent not send. into her mind.


Yes, but at least we have to the decency to kiss in our room, she sent back.


True, I sent. I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Um…guys?” I asked. They finally broke apart and looked at me. Avery was a dark-headed male with chiseled features, while Claiborne appear delicate with her soft features.


“There you are,” Claiborne snapped, “ I have been calling your cell phone for past five minutes.”


“Sorry, I forgot it here at home. And besides, you don’t need to baby me,” I said as I washed out my glass in the sink.


“That doesn’t give you an excuse, Elizabeth. You could have used the library’s phone,” she snapped.


“Claiborne, please. I don’t want to get in a fight,” I said as I looked at her, my eyes stopping at her very large tummy. Claiborne has a rare ability that only a handful of vampires have: the ability to give birth to offspring. And right now, she was about to give birth to Avery’s child.


I turned my attention back to the sink and finished. I turned to Adelicia, who had stuck around to my surprise.


“Do you know when Odette will be home?” I asked.


“No, I don’t,” she answered. I sighed. “What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” she asked.


“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. When she gets home, can you tell her I want to see her?” I asked.


“Sure,” she said, nodding. I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.


“Thanks,” I said as I walked out of the kitchen. I slowly walked up the stairs, when I heard the others talking about me. I stopped to listen.


“What’s with her?” Claiborne said.


“I don’t know, but I bet that it has to do with something Landon told her,” Adelicia replied.


“Landon?” Avery’s voice came into the conversation.


“Yeah, Landon wanted to see her when she got home,” Adelicia explained.


“How did she get home?” Claiborne asked. I’d heard enough of the conversation and I continue walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia stand up for me.


“It’s not my place to tell you that,” Adelicia said in a stern voice. I smiled to myself as I walked to my room and waited until Odette came home. I approached my window and looked out, remembering my day and then him. Adam Hart. This would work well in a line of its own, to add effect.


I recalled when I first looked upon him I felt attraction. I sighed. Ever since I met his. His image can’t can't isn't the right word, despite the fact that it needs to be in past tense, so it should be couldn't it's still not gramatically correct. So instead, we use shouldn't. leave my mind I thought as I walked away from the window.


Try not to think of him my mind told me; after all, he’s onlya pathetic human.

I get the names from a baby names website because i can't think of cool names on my own.

Aidan was landon's old name before i change it to Landon.

when claiborne was called, she mean called her on the cell phone.

i hope this clear any confusin, if not, pm me.

A couple things. Why is the council sending a mate? is that a rule? go into details about the rules. Like in a little thought paragraph. Just to update your audience.
Also, Claiborne (again...strange name haha) wasnt babying her..not in my opinon. Say something like 'i was getting worried' because she didnt and it seemed weird that Elizabeth would just jump to the conclution that it was babying. Well, until after Claiborne says everything else.
Also, she was calling Elizabeth for five minutes...being a vampires, couldnt you know that someone came into your house????
I love how you throw in the mind reading-transfering thoughts-sending sentences---whatever you call it.. it's cool!

“I don’t know, but I bet that it has to do with something Landon told her,” Adelicia replied.

“Landon?” Avery’s voice came into the conversation.

“Yeah, Aidan wanted to see her when she got home,” Adelicia explained.

"Try not to think of him" I love that part.

So far it's great. I don't know much about vampires, but this has me intrigued.

:]

Andrew.

Well, this chapter seemed to have less mistakes. You seemed to have caught them all before I got here.

But I still did catch a few…

He was very handsome for his age and I could see why Odette loved him very much.

I set the glass down on a table then sat in the chair beside it.

“You know I don’t go through mail unless it’s address to me. That-” he nodded to the letter in my hand, “ is addressed to you.”

“Read the letter and let’s find out,” he suggested as he looked at me, curiosity.

“the council can’t and will not rule my life.”

I grabbed my glass, and then I opened the door and closed it behind me.

You do it too with Ashton, I send into her mind.

I have been calling your cell phone for past five minutes.”

I’d heard enough of the conversation and I continue walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia stand up for me.

I recalled when I first looked upon him I felt attraction. I sighed. Ever since I met his. His image can’t leave my mind I thought as I walked away from the window.

Try not to think of him my mind told me; after all, he’s only pathetic human.

There. I have edited. I took some of the suggestion and I didn't. Please don't get offensive if i didn't use what you want me to. If you still find something wrong with it, let me know by pm me or leaving another comments. Maybe together we can smooth out the wrinkles of the story. I hope you enjoy the edited version.

NM

I walked into the study and shut the door behind me. There, behind the desk, was Aidan. He was the oldest in this family, the one who gave this family life. He was very handsome for his age and I could see why Odette loved him very much. As I walked closer to the desk, I noticed the wary [I think you mean weary? That would make more sense and maybe be a touch more descriptive. You could say ‘…the weary lines sunk into his oval face.’] lines in his face.
He has had a bad day, I thought, stating to myself only what Adelicia said moments ago. I set the glass down on a table then sat in the chair beside it. He looked up from his work.
“Adelicia said that you want to see me about something,” I said. He put his pen back and looked through what appeared to be letters. Today’s mail, perhaps.
“Here,” he said as he held out an envelope to me. I got up and took it from him. The seal was still intact. I raised an eyebrow at him.
“You know I don’t go through mail unless it’s address to me. That” [You need a comma after that or even better, a hyphen.] he nodded to the letter in my hand, “ is addressed to you.”
“To me, but why?” I asked as I took my seat again.
“Look at the address and you'll probably know why,” he said as he laced his fingers together and leaned back in his chair. I turned the envelope over and looked at the address.
“1315 Brick Street. London, England,” I said aloud as I read. “The council? What do they want?” he shrugged.
“Read the letter and let’s find out,” he suggested as he looked at me. [How does he look at her? With curiosity? Anticipation? Maybe a little anger? How? Give us some indication! Also, what colour eyes does he have? Is his face wrinkled or smooth? Sharp or soft features? Dark hair or fair?] I opened the letter and read it. My mouth turned down into a frown and my nose crinkled.
“What is it?” he asked as he looked at my face. I got up and handed him the letter. I perched myself on one of the corners and watched him. His facial expression shocked me. He threw down the letter in disgust. [That’s better but give us some indication of his earlier reaction too. That way we get a nice contrast.]
“Who the hell do they think they are?” he muttered. I sighed and got up. I began to walk around, looking [s]everywhere[/s] anywhere but at him.
“They are the ruling body of our people, Aidan. You would know. You are in the council,” I said as my fingers skimmed the spine of a book.
“Yes, but I’m not asking you to accept a mate that they’re sending over here,” he said.
“And I am not going to accept him,” I said as I turned and looked at him, “the council can’t and will not rule my life.” He stood up and walked to me. He petted my hair and gave me a fatherly kiss on the forehead.
“I hope you know what you are getting into,” he whispered.
“ I [No space between the speech marks and I.] do,” I said. He just nodded at me. “Is there anything else?”
“No. You may go. I believe your brother and sister are home, other than Adelicia,” he stated as he went back to his desk and sat down. I grabbed my glass, and then I opened the door and closed it behind me. I walked down the hallway and stairs. I was about to turn the corner to go into the kitchen, when Adelicia popped up behind it, scaring another half out of me.
“Damn it Adelicia!” I exclaimed, clutching my chest. She giggled.
“ I scared you, didn’t I?” she asked as she continued giggling.
“Yeah, you did,” I said as I walked past her, right into the kissing fest that Avery and Claiborne [s]are[/s] were ingested in.
“Ew,” Adelicia whispered behind me. What are you saying ‘ew’ about? You do it too with Ashton, I send into her mind.
Yes, but at least we have to the decency to kiss in our room, she sent back.
True, I [s]send[/s] sent. I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Um…guys?” I asked. They finally broke apart and looked at me.
“There you are,” Claiborne snapped, “ I [No space before I.] have been calling your cell phone for the past [s]5[/s] five minutes.” [People don’t speak in fragments or in numbers. At least not in normal circumstances. Always write the number out in full if it’s spoken dialogue and unless it’s a huge number, a date or a time, do the same in ordinary prose. If in doubt, write the number out in full.]
“Sorry, I forgot it here at home. And besides, you don’t need to baby me,” I said as I washed out my glass in the sink.
“That doesn’t give you an excuse, Elizabeth. You could have used the library’s phone,” She [Little s.] snapped.
“Claiborne, please. I don’t want to get in a fight,” I said as I looked at her, my eyes stopping at her very large tummy. Claiborne has a rare ability that only a handful of vampires have: the ability to give birth to offspring. And right now, she was about to give birth to Avery’s child.
I turned my attention back to the sink and finished. I turned to Adelicia, who had stuck around to my surprise.
“Do you know when Odette will be home?” I asked.
“No, I don’t,” she answered. I sighed. “What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” she asked.
“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. When she gets home, can you tell her I want to see her?” I asked [s]her[/s].
“Sure,” she said, nodding. I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.
“Thanks,” I said as I walked out of the kitchen. I slowly walked up the stairs, when I heard the others talking about me. I stopped to listen.
“What’s with her?” Claiborne said.
“I don’t know, but I bet that it has to do with something Aidan told her,” Adelicia replied.
“Aidan?” Avery’s voice came into the conversation.
“Yeah, Aidan wanted to see her when she got home,” Adelicia explained.
“How did she get home?” Claiborne asked. I’d heard enough of the conversation and I continued walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia [s]stood[/s] stand up for me.
“It’s not my place to tell you that,” Adelicia said in a stern voice. I smiled to myself as I walked to my room and waited until Odette came home. I went to my room and look out the window, [Room is starting to get repetitive. Maybe ‘I approached my window and looked out…’] remembering my day and then him. Adam Hart.
I [s]remember[/s] recalled when I first looked upon him- I felt attraction. I sighed. Ever since I met him. His image can’t leave my mind I thought as I walked away from the window.
Try not to think of him my mind told me, after all, he’s only human.

I'm back and ready to ask questions and review. ^_^
The council? What's the council for this story? Or do I have to read more to find out?
A mate? Oh this story is going good. I wonder what he'll be like or will Adam be the one instead? Oh, you stand up for yourself girl! {totally sarcastic} She better not let some council rule her life and Aidan or Elizabeth better do something about it.
You know I just love the name Avery, it's so vampireish... What are Avery and Claiborne like? Is there going to be any history behind those two? And I'm glad Adelicia stood up for her.
Otherwise I want more!! {I'm sorry. I just acted really greedy right there.} But I do want to read more.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!
-Merry

You have really grabbed my attention & got me wanting to read more!! I think that this is really good & enjoyable & the only critiques I had in the document were only minor ones, but I hoope they help all the same! & I just thought I'd mention, having read the others, that your MC lacked emotion, you don't know what she's feeling all the time, which is what we need to hear as this character is the character we're following the whole way through the story & we want to get to know her, if you get what I mean?? Hope this helps you & please PM me when you post the next piece!!
Lucyy xx

Interesting, Night Mistress! They are sending a mate for her to take…hmm, all the possibilities that this story could hold! lol

But anyway, back to your story…

“That doesn’t give you an excuse, Elizabeth. You could have used the library’s phone,” She snapped.

I heard enough of the conversation and I continue walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia stood up me.

I smiled to myself as I walked to my room and waited until Odette came home. I went to my room and look out the window, remembering my day and then him. Adam Hart.

I will try to go back and add more detail if i can. And add more feeling from my MC.

thanks everyone for your review and critque.

I was so happy to read your third chapter. This is all getting very exciting. Once again I have been beat to the grammar mistakes so I will not pester you with what you already know. Just a few things...

In the past two chapters we have seen that they can project their thoughts into other's minds. Is this only within vampires? Or only within the family? Or can only a handful do it such as the giving death/birth?
You might want to expand on that

Also I would personally like to see more details going into your story. Tell us more about her surroundings, also tell us more about her emotions during all of this. I feel like when I read what happens to her I am guessing about how she feels in all of it. Like when she is told that a mate is being sent over for her, I know her expression but how is she feeling?

Other then that...

Your plot line is very good and I can't wait to see where you take it! You have me completely hooked on this story! With a little more detail this story will be great!!!

Thanks for PMing me!

I will keep those in mind, Sleeping Valor.

and realx, i know where i am going with this story.

As promised, I've caught up on this story.

You have my love and attention because :

1) Vampires!!!! XD

2) I am interested in this 'council' and how they're sending a mate. It's a neat idea that I kind of wish I'd thought of. I will try and not be tempted to use it. =P

There is really only a few things I think your story has/lacks that you could add/remove:

1) Description. You do it sometimes, but sometimes you don't. I personally don't mind, but the story could be a lot more rich if you could blend in a bit more description of characters and location. Also, a bit more of your MC's emotions would be cool. I'm having trouble getting a feel for who she is.

2) Adam. I don't love him. This is an issue to me. He hasn't shown up much, but I didn't find him all that charming. He seemed more like an obvious flirt. I also didn't really feel how your MC reacted to him. it seems obvious to me they will end up together, mainly because he showed up so early in the plot and is flirting up a storm when they talk, but maybe that's just me. Your characters denial of interest therefore seems like she isn't serious about not being interested. If she really isn't interested, then you could emphasize it a bit more and make it obvious she really isn't. She said yes too quickly to the ride, and warmed up very fast. She should, as a vampire, be shrinking away from being all friendly. No?

Anyways, other than that it's very cool. ^_^

^_^ Keek!

Wow, i really like where this is going, but i did spot many mistakes, so i will do my best to correct them.

Night Mistress wrote:I walked into the study and shut the door behind me. There, behind the desk, was Aidan. He was the oldest in this family, the one who gave this family life. He was very handsome for his age and I could see why Odette loved him very much. As I walked closer to the desk, I noticed the wary lines in his face.

He has had a bad day, I thought, stating to myself only what Adelicia said moments ago. I set the glass down on a table then sat in the chair beside it. He looked up from his work.

“Adelicia said that you want to see me about something,” I said. He out his pen back and looked through what appear to letters. (The last sentence doesn't make sense) Today’s mail, perhaps.

“Here,” he said as he held out an envelope to me. I got up and took it from him. The seal was still intact. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“You know I don’t go through mail unless it’s address to me. That,” he nodded to the letter in my hand, “ is addressed to you.”

“To me, but why?” I asked as I took my seat again.

“Look at the address and you probably know why,” he said as he laced his fingers together and leaned back in his chair. I turned the envelope over and looked at the address.

“1315 Brick Street. London, England,” I said aloud as I read. “The council? What do they want?” He shrugged.

“Read the letter and let’s find out,” he suggested as he looked at me. I read the letter and read it (doesn't make sence, maybe drop the 'and read it.'). My mouth turned down into a frown and my nose crinkled.

“What is it?” he asked as he looked at my face. I got up and handed him the letter. I perched myself on one of the corners and watched him. His facial expression shocked me. He threw down the letter in disgust.

“Who the hell do they think they are?” he muttered. I sighed and got up. I began to walk around, looking everywhere but at him.

“They are the ruling body of our people, Aidan. You would know. You are on the council,” I said as my fingers skimmed the spine of a book.

“Yes, but I’m not asking you to accept a mate that they are sending over here,” he said.

“And I am not going to accept him,” I said as I turned and looked at him, “the council can’t and will not rule my life.” He stood up and walked to me. He petted my hair and gave me a fatherly kiss on the forehead.

“I hope you know what you are getting into,” he whispered.

“ I do,” I said. He just nodded at me. “Is there anything else?”

“No. You may go. I believe your brother and sister are home, other than Adelicia,” he stated as he went back to his desk and sat down. I grabbed my glass, and then I opened the door and closed it behind me. I walked down the hallway and stairs. I was about to turn the corner to go into the kitchen, ( no comma) when Adelicia popped up behind it, scaring another half out of me. She (get rid of random She.)

“Damn it Adelicia!” I exclaimed, clutching my chest. She giggled.

“ I scared you, didn’t I?” she asked as she continued on (get rid of unnecessary 'on')giggling.

“Yes, you did,” I said as I walked past her, right into the kissing fest that Avery and Claiborne are ingested in.

“Ew,” Adelicia whispered behind me. What are you saying ‘ew’ about? You do it too with Ashton, I send into her mind.

Yes, but at least we have to the decency to kiss in our room, she sent back.

True, I send. I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Um…guys?” I asked. They finally broke apart and looked at me.

“There you are,” Claiborne snapped, “ I have been calling your cell phone for past 5 minutes.”

“Sorry, I forgot it here at home. And besides, you don’t need to baby me,” I said as I washed out my glass in the sink.

“That doesn’t give you an excuse, Elizabeth. You could have used the library’s phone,” She snapped.

“Claiborne, please. I don’t want to get in a fight,” I said as I looked at her, my eyes stopping at her tummy. Claiborne has a rare ability that only a handful of vampires have: the ability to give birth…or death (depending on your point of view) to offspring. And right now, she was about to give birth/death to Avery’s child.

I turned my attention back to the sink and finished. I turned to Adelicia, who had stuck around to my surprise.

“ Do you know when Odette will be home?” I asked.

“No, I don’t,” she answered. I sighed. “What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” she asked.

“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. When she gets home, can you tell her I want to see her?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she said, nodding. I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.

“Thanks,” I said as I walked out of the kitchen. I slowly walked up the stairs, when I heard the others talking about me. I stopped to listen.

“What’s with her?” Claiborne said.

“I don’t know, but I bet that it has to do something with (switch something and with) what (get rid of 'what') Aidan told her,” Adelicia replied.

“Aidan?” Avery’s voice came into the conversation.

“Yeah, Aidan wanted to see her when she got home,” Adelicia.

“How did she get home?” Claiborne asked. I heard enough of the conversation and I continue walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia stood up me - change to 'stand up for me.
“It’s not my place to tell you that,” Adelicia said in a stern voice. I smiled to myself as I walked to my room and waited until Odette came home.

Night Mistress wrote:He was the oldest in this family, the one who gave this family life. He was very handsome for his age (Comma, I think...) and I could see why Odette loved him very much.

Night Mistress wrote:The seal was still intact.

Night Mistress wrote:“Look at the address and you'll probably know why,” he said as he laced his fingers together and leaned back in his chair.

Night Mistress wrote:I read the letter and read it.

Night Mistress wrote:“They are the ruling body of our people, Aidan. You would know. You are in the council,” I said as my fingers skimmed the spine of a book.

Night Mistress wrote:I was (?) about to turned the corner to go into the kitchen, when Adelicia popped up behind it, scaring another half out of me. She (didn't finish?)

Night Mistress wrote:Claiborne has a rare ability that only a handful of vampires have: the ability to give birth…or death (depending on your point of view) to offspring. And right now, she was about to get birth/death to Avery’s child.

Night Mistress wrote:I heard enough of the conversation and I continue walking up the stairs, but not before I heard Adelicia stand up me.